Reality of Being an International Education Spouse

/ kaquinn29

If your partner is thinking about teaching overseas, you’re possibly deep into researching schools, locations, and contracts. It can be an overwhelming time! But, as an international education spouse (trailing spouse), your experience is just as important, but can often be overlooked.

After a few years in the international schooling circuit, here’s what I wish I had known before we started living and working in an international school environment.

1. There Is No Perfect School

When you start thinking about finding the right school for your family, you’re probably looking for a place that:

  • Supports your spouse’s career growth
  • Is located in a family-friendly location (safe, access to family amenities, good accommodation etc)
  • Offers a strong salary and benefits for saving and travel opportunities
  • Provides a high-quality education for your children (if you have kids)

Many refer to this as the unicorn school! That’s because it doesn’t really exist. You’ll need to decide what’s most important for your family and where you’re willing to compromise.

For example, if your child will be one of the only expats in their grade, consider how that might impact their social life. Research the school’s community to make sure they won’t feel isolated and excluded. Connecting with other expat parents before you say yes to a job can help to make sure it’s the right move for you and your family.

2. Making Friends with Other Parents Can Be Tough

Although it largely depends on the school, at many international schools the student body can be largely made up of local kids wanting an international education. This means forming friendships outside the expat bubble can be tough. Often, local parents belong to an elite social class with well-established circles, and language barriers can make integrating even harder.

If building relationships with local families is important to you, you may want to try learning the language and seeking out community activities that can help bridge the gap.

For expat parents looking to ease into a new community, online forums like InterNations or Meetup can both be great resources.

3. International Education Spouse – No Real Role in the School

As a non teaching spouse, your connection to the school is indirect.

You won’t have authority to contact the school regarding issues that impact your daily life, which can be frustrating. If you’re used to being proactive, you may find yourself navigating school matters through your partner’s contract.

Similarly, getting involved in school activities often happens through your spouse. While many schools offer family-oriented activities, some focus more on younger teachers, which can feel isolating if you have kids or prefer a different social scene.

If you want to engage with the school community, look into parent-led groups, volunteering opportunities, or local expat groups. Having a plan for how involved you want to be can make the transition easier.

4. Have a Plan for Yourself

Before moving abroad, I imagined days filled with coffee shop visits, market strolls, and leisurely afternoons at the park with other expat families. Reality looked a lot different—especially when COVID hit three weeks into our first overseas stint.

Even without unexpected disruptions, it’s important to plan how you’ll spend your time. Some key considerations include:

  • Can you legally work? Research visa restrictions ahead of time.
  • Are there remote work opportunities? Online freelance work can provide flexibility. Sites like FlexJobs and Upwork are great starting points.
  • Is volunteering an option? Many international communities have organisations looking for expat volunteers.
  • Would further education be beneficial? Consider online courses through Udemy or Coursera.

Having a plan ensures you don’t feel stuck or isolated in a new country.

5. The International School Community Is Small

In many cases, international school communities are incredibly tight-knit—especially if you live in school-provided housing. This can be a blessing or a challenge, depending on your personality.

Living within the school community means your social life will likely include teachers, administrators, and students’ parents. While this can foster strong friendships, it can also feel like you never leave work behind. Some spouses love the built-in community, while others seek housing outside school-provided accommodations to get more separation.

If you value privacy, research off-campus housing options before making a decision. Platforms like Expatistan can help you compare living costs in different locations.

Final Thoughts on Being an International Education Spouse

Being an international education spouse comes with unique challenges, but it can also be an incredibly rewarding experience. By setting realistic expectations and having a plan for yourself, you’ll be better equipped to navigate life in a new country alongside your teaching partner.